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Jesus will cure your cancer. Also visit our website for hot deals

Today’s photo-of-a-sick-but-photogenic-child – whose image has been used (probably without permission) to propagate revenue-generating clickbait disguised as emotional blackmail and wrapped up in false theology – comes courtesy of one of those inspiring websites.

Cancer

Liftbump? Consider yourselves named and shamed.

The man who never was (April Fool’s edition)

While I’ve always believed discretion is the better part of valour, I sometimes think that in a couple of hundred years we’ll look back at moments of oversensitive insanity like these and think “This is round about where humanity lost its way”.

Pregnant

From the decks of hell #2: Diary of an unborn child

Previously spinning on the Decks of Hell: a song with a fairly transparent abortion reference. Today’s offering: a song from Lil’ Markie that makes you understand why some women go through with it.

October 5 – Today my life began. My parents do not know it yet, I am as small as a seed of an apple, but it is I already. And I am to be a girl. I shall have blond hair and blue eyes. Just about everything is settled though, even the fact that I shall love flowers.

October 19 – Some say that I am not a real person yet, that only my mother exists. But I am a real person, just as a small crumb of bread is yet truly bread. My mother is. And I am.

October 23 – My mouth is just beginning to open now. Just think, in a year or so I shall be laughing and later talking. I know what my first word will be: MAMA.

October 25 – My heart began to beat today all by itself. From now on it shall gently beat for the rest of my life without ever stopping to rest! And after many years it will tire. It will stop, and then I shall die.

November 2 – I am growing a bit every day. My arms and legs are beginning to take shape. But I have to wait a long time yet before those little legs will raise me to my mother’s arms, before these little arms will be able to gather flowers and embrace my father.

November 12 – Tiny fingers are beginning to form on my hands. Funny how small they are! I’ll be able to stroke my mother’s hair with them.

November 20 – It wasn’t until today that the doctor told mom that I am living here under her heart. Oh, how happy she must be! Are you happy, mom?

November 25 – My mom and dad are probably thinking about a name for me. But they don’t even know that I am a little girl. I want to be called Kathy. I am getting so big already.

December 10 – My hair is growing. It is smooth and bright and shiny. I wonder what kind of hair mom has.

December 13 – I am just about able to see. It is dark around me. When mom brings me into the world it will be full of sunshine and flowers. But what I want more than anything is to see my mom. How do you look, mom?

December 24 – I wonder if mom hears the whispering of my heart? Some children come into the world a little sick. But my heart is strong and healthy. It beats so evenly: tup-tup, tup-tup. You’ll have a healthy little daughter, mom!

December 28 – Today my mother killed me.

Why did you kill me, mommy
When God made me special for you?
I really wanted to see you
And put my little arms around you.
Why did you kill me, mommy
Because I thought you really cared for me.
And I wonder what I would have grown up to be?
I guess I’ll never know, ’cause mommy, you killed me.

Slow down

Oh, this is wonderful. The photo is overblown, if minimally cute, but the accompanying text pushes this way over the edge and into pass-me-the-bucket-and-a-bottle-of-disinfectant territory. Remember: if you can be heartfelt while ignoring the basic rules of scansion, no one will forgive you if your insipid verse is made up almost entirely of near rhymes.

___

Slow Down

Slow down mummy, there is no need to rush,
slow down mummy, what is all the fuss?
Slow down mummy, make yourself a cup tea.
Slow down mummy, come and spend some time with me.

Slow down mummy, let’s put our boots on and go out for a walk,
let’s kick at piles of leaves, and smile and laugh and talk.
Slow down mummy, you look ever so tired,
come sit and snuggle under the duvet and rest with me a while.

Slow down mummy, those dirty dishes can wait,
slow down mummy, let’s have some fun, let’s bake a cake!
Slow down mummy I know you work a lot,
but sometimes mummy, its nice when you just stop.

Sit with us a minute,
& listen to our day,
spend a cherished moment,
because our childhood is not here to stay! x