Tag Archive | random

Mud, mud, glorious mud

Oh dear.



You know why this is funny? It’s funny because the self-righteous ‘kids’ who grew up bathing in mud and not quite catching dysentery on the left are presumably now the adults who are now glued to their smartphones; you know, the ones who the kids copy. I won’t deny that I need to look up a little bit more, but at least I’m prepared to admit it, rather than going all holier-than-thou.

(Curiously, my children were doing both these things yesterday, within the space of an hour. Presumably we’re getting parenting half right.)

Not all tears are evil. But some are apparently pointless

Look, the thing is, after all the soul searching and pondering and stupid rhetoric, YOU STILL HAVEN’T REALLY ANSWERED THE QUESTION.

A little boy asked his mother, “Why are you crying?” “Because I’m a woman,” she told him.

“I don’t understand,” he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, “And you never will.”

Later the little boy asked his father, “Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?”

“All women cry for no reason,” was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked,

“God, why do women cry so easily?”

God said, “When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.”

“You see my son,” said God, “the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart the
place where love resides.”

You now have two choices. Like this photo and move on with your life


Share this photo on your wall as a tribute to all the women in your life..!!!!!


Look Up (the words ‘lousy argument’)

While I appreciate the sentiment, here are the issues I have with the Look Up video.

1. Small talk is occasionally a precursor for real conversation; however, it’s more often than not a silence filler, a vacuous and meaningless chat instigated to pass the time. Implying that all small talk is one and the same, and is both necessary and pleasant, is the silliest kind of false logic.

2. Some of my most honest and open relationships are conducted almost exclusively online, with people who I’ve either never met or haven’t seen in years. Physical distance needn’t be a barrier to knowing someone, provided you both agree to be frank. If you have 422 friends and don’t really ‘know’ any of them, then you clearly need to be more careful with your requests and acceptances.

3. If you’re bigging up your life on social media, that suggests self-esteem issues that Facebook didn’t cause. It’s no different to bragging to your mates in the pub. Facebook is a medium of expression, not a catalyst.

4. Crowded commuter trains where no one is talking to each other may make you depressed, but to many of us they’re a haven – the one quiet part of the day. Some people don’t want to talk to others because they’re naturally introverted. I am not, but when I am on a bus I do not want to speak to the random stranger sitting next to me and pretend that I care about who they are and what they do. I want to read my book. Oh, and avoiding eye contact on the Tube has nothing to do with Candy Crush; it’s a British thing. Deal with that.

5. I met my wife online, and I find the Sliding Doors notion that you’ll miss out on your one chance at true love and consign yourself to seventy years of bachelorhood because you were looking at Google Maps demeaning, patronising and insulting.

6. I _do_ spend too much time looking at my smartphone, and having a detox while it’s in for repair has done me the power of good. But I don’t need you to tell me that. It’s a vice, and some vices are hard to break. I am working on it.

7. So you built dens as a child and now the world’s gone to hell in a handcart because of Steve Jobs? Have you actually *been* in a park on a sunny Saturday afternoon? You can’t get near the swings. When I was a kid I built dens in the old house down the road, and then went home and played Magic Knight games on my Spectrum. These days we play hide and seek in the garden and then the boys go for a Minecraft session. I think your spectacles might be a little rose tinted.

That’s all. I am off to check my hit counts.

What more in the name of love?


I mean, I don’t get this. I don’t.

It doesn’t strike me as being about equality at all. The reason for gay pride – for any sort of pride – is as a natural response to repression: in other words, being told that you have nothing to be proud about. But I don’t know of any straight people – any at all – who’ve been targeted by the gay community and told that what they’re doing is unnatural, or disgusting, or morally wrong, or will land them in eternal damnation. Perhaps you’ve heard different, of course, but I think if this was happening, we’d know about it.

So this is either an argument founded on utterly false logic, or it’s a guarded way of saying that you’re proud of being straight because it’s the right way forward. In which case it’s homophobic. Either approach, as far as I can see, is wrong.

The man who never was (April Fool’s edition)

While I’ve always believed discretion is the better part of valour, I sometimes think that in a couple of hundred years we’ll look back at moments of oversensitive insanity like these and think “This is round about where humanity lost its way”.