This blog needs a shot in the arm, so I’m announcing a new topic: songs for a Freaky Friday.
You know the ones. The bad. The really bad. Not even the so-bad-it’s-good kind (although I’m also convinced that so-bad-it’s-good doesn’t work as a musical concept – there are no guilty pleasures, simply good music and bad music, or music you enjoy and music you don’t). No, we’re talking about the criminally insane. The Ian Bradys of the top 40. The sort of stuff that would lead you to sell your own grandmother if it meant you never had to hear it again. We’re talking ‘Christmas Shoes’ territory. The worst of the worst; the stuff that makes your jaw drop because you can’t believe that anyone could produce something so hideously wretched in a recording studio, or purposely choose to inflict it upon an unsuspecting world.
I will include lyrics.
Today’s entry: ‘(You’re) Having My Baby’, in which Paul Anka has a sex change halfway through the song, admires his partner’s hot flushes and “what it’s doin’ to you” (insomnia, fatigue, hormonal tantrums and vomiting), and then makes a not-terribly-subtle reference to abortion. Listen, and shudder.
—
—
What a lovely way of saying
How much you love me.
You’re having my baby
What a lovely way of saying
What you’re thinking of me.
I can see it your face is glowingI can see it in your eyes.
I’m happy knowin’ that you’re having my baby.
You’re the woman I love and I love what it’s doin’ to you.
Having my baby
You’re a woman in love and I love
What’s goin’ through you.
The need inside you
I see it showin’
Oh
The seed inside you
Baby
Do you feel it growin’
Are you happy in knowin’ that you’re having my baby?
I’m a woman in love and I love
What it’s doin’ to me.
Having my baby.
I’m a woman in love and I love
What’s goin’ through me.
Didn’t have to keep it
Wouldn’t put you through it.
You could have swept it from your life
But you wouldn’t do it
No
You wouldn’t do it.
And you’re having my baby…